Why Being Single At 30 Is Actually Awesome

DanielleI grew up in a relatively old fashioned family. Everyone carried the same story. Life sounded a bit like this: Go to school, go to college, get a job, get a boyfriend, then start a life with them, get married, buy a house, have kids- or a few.

Now while all of these milestones make life exciting… SPOILER ALERT!

Life doesn’t begin when you get married.

From the moment I began dating, I pretty much always found myself in serious, long term relationships. I was never one to dream about my wedding, but I had daydreamed about what it would be like to be married with kids. After all, making a home together, cooking dinner, waking up with someone, family or romantic vacations… it all sounded pretty great. I always assumed I would be among the first few of my friends to tie the knot. Like most of my girlfriends, I believed I would be married with kids by 30.

That ‘life plan’ came to a screeching halt when a 5 year relationship I had been submerged in, ended. And there I was; 30-something, and single. I became anxious at first, unsure what to do with myself. I had no idea what it was like to live life alone. The idea of going into a restaurant or even to a small cafe by myself and getting a table for one made me uncomfortable, or even depressed about my single status. My best friends were either engaged, married, or already on their second child.

Shouldn’t I have someone by my side to go to dinner with, travel with, can’t wait to start and create a LIFE with? That question riddled me with angst.

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Quite frankly, I was equally pissed and hurt at my ex for our breakup. Pissed because of how abruptly it all seemed to happen. And hurt because I felt like he was robbing me of my chance to truly experience this other side of life I daydreamed about.

But simultaneously, in that very moment of acknowledging my feelings, I chose to develop a long term relationship with MYSELF instead.

I chose to embrace the true woman I neglected to envelop for so long. I surrendered to the powerful woman I get to be; I chose vulnerability and began embracing what LOVE really is and what it meant for me. I wanted to move into the next phase of life. MY LIFE. A life where it didn’t matter if I was single or with the man of my dreams.

Embrace what your LIFE can become

A sense of freedom I had never experienced.

I chose to begin my real married LIFE. The life where I got to love everything my life is, without being in the relationship that society believed I should be in. Chasing life meant anything. For me it meant quitting my stable 7 year job to try on the unknown of accomplishing my dream of moving to California. Trusting it would work out and even if it didn’t I couldn’t fail anyway.

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Life meant meeting new people, making new friends, and friends that felt like family. It meant become a woman of integrity and rekindling the fire inside me. It meant becoming a published writer and having my photographs featured in a New York City art gallery. It meant babysitting for my best friends baby and being the awesome aunt. It was discovering that the previous relationships I had with men were stepping stones, leading me to everything I now got to experience in life.

Life became forgiveness and gratitude. It meant closing doors on things that no longer served me, and opening up others where I had no idea where they would lead me. I no longer compartmentalized my life into things things that I couldn’t have because I didn’t have some-thing (e.g., a relationship, a husband, and kids), but about all the things I get to have simply because I say so.

Living a LIFE Fulfilled

Nothing about my life was boring. Because I chose that. And while my Facebook feed and Instagram scrolls were littered with wedding veils and baby announcements, I chose to document cross country voyages, and solo travel excursions. I wished I had done this long ago, but it didn’t really matter. I began to realize all I have is now. No matter what I have, it was enough, it always is enough.

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One thought on “Why Being Single At 30 Is Actually Awesome”

  1. Excellent piece that made me thin. Sounds like an exciting life. Spousal relationships are certainly not for everyone. I’m married with children and feel the same way..love this line: “No matter what I have, it was enough, it always is enough.”

    It took me to my early 30’s to truly get this and I still must remind myself now and then. It keeps me chasing my dreams and on top of my game. Life is what we make of it, and what is best for one person is not often best for the next . But, no matter the situation, we can always make that lemonade, or that orange juice, whatever you prefer I guess. Have fun!

    Like

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